July 11th, you know what that means. Yep... it's my 32nd birthday (hurray! ), and boy do I feel like an old fart!
One of the things that happens when you have your birthday, is that you receive a truckload of emails from websites and forums where you registered at some point in time, that wish you a happy birthday. The funny part is that half of these websites I can't even remember signing up on, and the other half I haven't visited in 5 or 6 years. But I'm still honored that they still remember me. Thanks guys! Whom ever you might be...
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find a large rock to hide under from relatives and neighbors that want to come over and congratulate me and pretend to enjoy my company...
Christmas 2009...after having stuffed my face with tasty goods, I went to sleep as a happy person. When I woke up the next day, I wasn't such a happy person, however; since my right foot was hurting. A quick peek under the blankets made it clear to me that my foot was swollen quite a bit.
On Christmas I bumped my foot quite hard against my bed, and naturally I assumed that this was the problem. After a couple of days of rest, the pain and swelling were gone, and I decided to get it out of my head and continue with living. The next day I visited my therapist, but had the bad luck that I had to walk a bit because the parking place was full. On the way back to the car, my foot started to hurt again, and I cursed myself for walking suck a long distance only a day after my foot had seemingly healed. The next morning I could hardly walk, so I called in sick from work to let my foot heal up again.
When my foot was healed up again, my mom told me that she thought she knew what the problem with my foot was. A bit of research on the interned confirmed it: It was a case of good old-fashioned Gout.
Gout is a medical condition that can be genetically inherited or, in my case, an unhealthy lifestyle. I eat a lot of meat and seafood, and consume a lot of sugar due to the drinking of sodas. All of these can lead to Gout. You could say I had a firm wake-up call to kick my diet into overdrive this year. I definitely don't want to get Gout again, ouch!
After waiting almost a year, I've finally managed to book an appointment with a psychiatrist. I can't express in words how relieved I am... It all took so long, that I was starting to think the hospital didn't take me serious.
January 19th I visited my doctor, and told him I had this problem with being in the wrong body, and that I wanted him to send me to a specialist for treatment. When he gave me the letter, first thing I did was call the specialist at the VU Medical Center. They told me that there was a waiting list for at least 5 to 6 months before I could even get an interview.
In July I finally had my interview, and they told me I had to call back a few weeks later for an appointment. A few weeks later I called them back and got the message that they couldn't book me in for a psychiatrist yet, because they we're in the middle of moving from one side of the building to the other. They could, however, make an appointment for an extended interview on October 1st.
After the extended interview, they told me "call us back in 2 weeks for an appointment". Two weeks later they told me the exact same thing, and in fact they told me the same thing 3 times in a row. So by now it's halfway December, and I still hadn't gotten my appointment. A quick post on a transgender support forum told me that it was actually nothing special. The specialist team is just badly understaffed, and I had to be persistent and just keep trying.
Today I called them up again and almost shit in my pants when they said "sure, we can book an appointment, hang on I'll fetch your file". Almost a year of waiting, but It's finally there. February 2nd, 16:00 CET I've got my first appointment with the psychiatrist, yeah!
Today is the first Dutch national " Coming Out Day ". I can just hear you thinking " Oh my god.. Ajira is going to tell us she's gay!", but you're wrong. Hey wait a minute... did you just say "she" ? wtf ?Uhm... well... yeah... kind of :P
Lets talk about the birds and the bees a bit. When a child is born, he/she gets a certain sex (the private bits) and a certain gender identity. In most cases the sex and the gender identity are the same. Someone is born with a penis, and identifies as a boy, or someone is born with a vagina and identifies as a girl. This is what we call "cisgender".
Unfortunately, sometimes these two are not the same. The person is born with a penis, but identifies as a girl; or is born with a vagina, but identifies as a boy. This is what we call "transgender". I am one of these people.
When I was a teenager, I discovered that certain parts of my body were not in place. I wasn't too comfy with them, and it didn't make much sense to me that I had them. By the age of 19 I had figured out what it was, and was shocked. I dropped into a state of denial and depression for several years. In June 2007, at age 29, I finally had the balls (oh the irony...) to acknowledge my problem and face the facts.
I'm currently in the process of going from male to female, but it takes time... a lot of time... You'll hear about the transition via this blog, as time goes by; It's too much to explain in one post. I will change, but I'm still the same person, with the same views, preferences, rants, etc... The only differences that you , the reader of my blog/website, will notice is that Tim van Dijk will slowly but surely cease to exist, and you will learn more and more about the real me: Ajira Kimberly van Dijk.
So.. stay tuned!
On January 10th, I made a phone call to the VUmc that would symbolize the beginning of my new life: I signed up at the "Gender team", a team of professionals that is specialized in the treatment of Gender Identity Disorder.
When I signed up in January, I knew there would be a 5 to 6 month waiting list, because the team is just up to its neck in work. Today I finally received the phone call: "We would like to invite you for an intake meeting". Since I was at work at the time, jumping through the ceiling wouldn't be a good idea, so I celebrated in silence. Next Tuesday, 15:00 I'm going to the gender team for the intake meeting, and at 16:00 I have my first meeting with the leading psychiatrist. Can't wait to get started!
I've always hated birthdays, especially my own. On a rainy Tuesday in 1978, at approximately 7:30am, I spawned into this world. Today, it is my 30th Birthday, but I'm not too happy with it.
It reminds me that I've been trapped in the wrong body for 3 decades now, which makes me sad and angry at the same time; it's quite traumatizing. It also gave me a firm wake-up call, and an "all systems go!"-signal. I'm definitely going to kick the transition in a higher gear now... 30 years of trauma is more than enough in my opinion, and I've decided that this will definitely be "his" last birthday; Next year will be my first real birthday. Next year, I will celebrate my birthday as my true, female self.
About a year ago I made a decision (more on that in the "FAQ" section when the time is right), and part of that decision was to grow my hair. It's grown quite a bit, and normally I just let it hang loose (head banger style), or I fold it back and wear a hair band.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
Nah seriously... the swelling on the bottom left side of my jaw doesn't go away as quick as I hoped it would. I went back to the dentist Friday morning because the swelling had partially migrated to another area called the "plica sublingualis", also known as the sublingual gland. It's basically the soft, spongy part under your tongue. The plica sublingualis is one of the main saliva glands in your mouth. Mine was swollen quite a bit. The dentist gave me a recipe for a penicilline treatment. The stuff tastes pretty "ok", tastes a bit like orange juice, but without the sweet parts. It should make the swelling go away, but it's not going as fast as I hoped it would .
It's just a bit annoyance. Eating is nearly impossible (it took me 20 minutes to eat 5 fish fingers last night... ), because I can't open my mouth very far... which is actually pretty good for my diet though, hmm... Let's just say that it's a good thing that I like soup, otherwise I would have lost my mind already . I'm mostly worried about my new job in 2 days. Showing up at the first day on a new job with a bloated face doesn't really score points, obviously... but we'll see.
*keeps fingers crossed*
Mamma mia
Yesterday I woke up with a bad pain in my lower left 3rd molar tooth. These are the most rear teeth, and are more commonly known as Wisdom teeth.
At first I didn't think much of it, but it didn't feel too nice. So in the afternoon I laid down a bit because I wasn't feeling too good. A couple of hours later I woke up, looked in the mirror and almost got a heart attack. My entire left jaw was swollen up, and my face looked like blowfish .
So I called the hospital and explained what happened, they told me to contact the emergency dentist service. I called my own dentist, hoping that his answering machine gave me a number for the emergency service. Quite surprising, I didn't get the answering machine, but I my dentist, on the phone. I explained the situation to him, and he said "well you'd better get over here then...", and so I did.
My dentist gave me 2 shots of a sedative, but they weren't really catching on. So he gave me another shot, right next to the tooth... boy that hurt I got sick as hell, and threw up a little in his toilet. So... after my stomach was calmed down again, the tooth was extracted, and I was on my way home again. On the parking place, I got really dizzy, and threw up even more... boy was I glad my Mom was there to drive me home .
Anyway... a long, long night later (lots of drool and blood... yummy ) the swelling is diminishing a little... I sure hope it's gone before I start my new job next Monday...